My Words, My Rhythm, My Life...

Epiphany

Spirit has made me the me that I am

I, am not a follower of follower’s of liars.

I, am not a follower of follower’s of hue

Man. Deeper I see.

We are all made to be, who we were made to be

I cannot be you and I do not expect you to be me

Beyond my Will to ever judge you

Why then dowse thee judge my hue?

Hear them. See them.

Delighting in manipulations lie

Know not of destined good

First Will denied.

Simple, yet most scrutinized:

Wickedness intrigues the bastardly demon,

Whilst they who seek truth

For righteous is reason.

Immorality/Immortality

January 20, 2012

Cometh the end of days near

The 7^th lamb shall be revealed

And all done in night

Shall be lit with thousands light

Liars honored gallantly for having lizard tongue

Immorality shall be norm

And those born of light

Shall be seen naïve, oddly - trite

Ready thyself

Times approach swiftly.

That’s The Way Love Goes

Played me like a fiddle - truly you did. Had my heart playing songs of despair. I’ve gotta tell you I’ve mourned the loss, I’ve thought about it, I’ve attempted to weave through the web. I honestly think you weave well. Trying to see where it all got tangled. Perhaps it was when I opened my eyes! I’m too observant. I’ve always seen too much - not good for you, and sometimes I think, not much better for me either.

Just doesn’t make since… But we cannot make sense out of nonsense, now can we? Why the game? I don’t know, some people just never grow up. Mind games in the end HURT people deeply, scar people emotionally.

I remember you whispering to me, “it’s all about you making me happy”.  Do you feel that you have to please as many women as you can? Spreading yourself a little thin aren’t you? I’d suppose that was the reasoning behind the apologies - spreading it thin and all…

What? you want each woman in your life to believe she is the one and only woman in your life (that’s so sweet of you to care); or is it so they will not be with any other men… is that it? Possible competition insecurities, or just greed?

Oh it’s cool and all, yeah - we go way back; and that’s really where it should have stayed. You stung boi! But if you wanted it - I would have given to you with open arms - because I FELT for you.

Just wanted to tell you, someone of special interest was knocking at my door today. That’s the way love goes. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 

Kept Safe My Joy

By 2B Monica T. Lockhart (So7)

Penned: January 2, 2012

I turn on my P.C.

The one with the monitor you brought me

Looking for a message, a smile icon, something from you

Though, I don’t want to

Must be something subconscious my mind needs to do, to get over the…

Our seven, sevyn, 7, didn’t fit - no winning combination

No nervous butterflies - No uneasiness - Always

Always, always being so careful in your presence

With every word and with every action

 – it was very clear that the wrong combination would quite possibly send…

Running so fast

And away

I was always so nervous about that, always feeling that I had to be so careful,

Trying to be your perfect

Like a very fine and fragile vase

I wanted to breath – needed to know

You planted these doubting seeds in me

And, and

And seeds grow

I couldn’t relax with these thoughts

I had to ask, igniting a furious inferno, leaving ashes

In what WAS my place? (Unanswered question – shouldn’t have been a reason to question)

My immortal soul slowly begins to rise again

Just like it did then, and then, and

Then happiness in me will shine again

But perhaps this time…

Perhaps this time, I’ll be the selfish one

Allow entrance of the world – NOT

Perhaps this time, safe my joy

Best kept to my self

I No Longer Wish To Cry

2BMonica T. Lockhart (So7)

December 29, 2011

Here seems the coldest place on earth

Freezing winter cold and hate-filled people playing deceitful games

Seems the people here start their games at birth

What happened to me, why am I so sincere

Paying respect to all

But no respect to this doe eyed dear

They see me coming in the headlights

Radars up

Who we gone hit tonight – Monicaaaaaaaaa

Wall’s up - is the safest place for me to be

From there I watch for the one made just for me

Someone just like me

An epiphany; I now know he does not exist

Protect me - tuck me safely behind my wall

How much longer shall I persist?

Freak coming over to cheer me up

Suppose He’s been watching from the sidelines

I did not know I was on a balloon ride destined to burst

Here comes this non-committed committed whore

Come to grab me in his devilish mitts - a temporary pleasure

He makes me laugh though he is the one I abhor.

Faithfulness and prayer to wash it away, abstinence too

Was I born under a curse?

Nothing will do…

Here seems the coldest place on earth

Freezing winter cold and hate-filled people playing deceitful games

Rubbing against the grain - goes against my nature for what it’s worth

Don’t enjoy serving pain to life, though apparently I must try

Seems the only way to survive here is to be the bitch; to be tough

I no longer wish to cry.

Clear Behemoth Sunshine.

Clear Behemoth Sunshine.

By: 2B Monica T. Lockhart (So7) October 30, 2011

Mr. Dyshekies being a little sneaky

Mr. Red, Black and Green

Showing up to social scenes with his Nubian queen

Mr. Afro man

Mr. Yes We Can!

Always fighting “the subliminal messaging” propaganda

My insight says he’s been a creepin’ up to the North side

The lighter side; the whiter side

Oh I’ve been peepin’ the change

Say’s it’s after work meetings

With some Europeans

“Arggghhh…” how he’s so bored, these meetings are so long and I really wanted to see you tonight babe… Sorry, and click.  

He’s living the life of a perpetual liar

We living in the 21^st century, follow your hearts desire

It’s not illegal anymore.

Yes You Can! be with the one you secretly adore.

Don’t look at my afro puff – I love you much

Bruh’s wound so tight I can hear his ass crack

Er’ thing done in the dark eventually comes to light – don’t he know that?

I would never attempt to clip your wings

Or hold you back with strings

I’m no puppeteer

Not when it’s Allah’s Will.

Eyes don’t lie. When next we meet

Looks like someone didn’t change their bed sheets.

Babe, I’m so tired can we just sit on the couch and check out a movie

I gotta good one for us to watch – this one’s a doosie!

Have you ever seen, Jungle Fever? My sister!

Wonder why he feels he has to live in this closet?

All his life claiming to be down for the cause

Does he understand what the cause really was?

Don’t know why he feels he has to creep in the streets

Tryna keep this secret from his peeps?

Guess, he thinks it’ll break his mothers’ heart

When a grown ass man should really follow his own heart

To thy own self be true brother!

Seems he’s down with the swirl

Confused by the message - gotta brother livin’ a dual world.

Salvation = Deliverance; begins with inner peace – Have Some.

Mrs. Chillin’ In Paradise

Had it all planned out, was going so smoothly and with a blink of an eye. Poof and gone!  The cruelty.

For awhile my life was turned downside up

Felt like eternity – but it wasn’t

Mustn’t allow any one to take your joy or destroy your world.

I was following the lead of my husband - we had a plan – goals short and long

Poof and gone! Dated now and then

Lotta boi’s; a few men.

Twelve years my junior – guess he was an interviewer asking me questions about my five year plan. Man…

How do I make him understand that my plan had basically been erased away

And what was left was still underway. All my past shares divided;half mine, half his

and I was given the valuable jewels –  our kids.

My five year plan modified to allow no man to disrupt - that’s what’s up.

To ensure my children’s peace of mind. Had no real time for wine and dine.

That was six years ago; and it’s almost my time – ya know?

Not quite an empty-nester, but my desire for intimacy gestures me to date again

My five year plan modified.

Eyes now open wide, seeing just where I want to be -

Mrs. Chillin’ In Paradise for all eternity.

He’s My 7 Yall!

Alright, I know I said I’d NEVER marry again

Been down that long road before

Cannot count the number of married men that have knocked at my

Door; one of the many reasons I could not

Ever think to repeat two simple words, “I Do”.

Forget all the other shit

Goofy mofo’s have put me through.

How could I have ever fathomed falling

In love with you.

Jesus, he’s so right and

Knowing that he feels the same for me

Love…

Makes me quiver with delight.

Not in a rush, though this feels like an

Over the top high or

Possibly heart failure,

Quaint light-headiness as if I’m floating on air.

Rightly so I’d

Suppose; I’ve been acting like a kid running

Through opium fields – falling, yet

Unruffled by the hazy

Veil engulfing my senses. I was a

Wounded victim requiring reparation, while suffering from

Xenophobia-something much like it; but I was not afraid to let this man – in,

Yearning his gentle touch; and as

Zen would have it – he is my 7.

This One Will Not Be Televised - Either

With every passing day I fight a battle not to loose faith

In my affiliated race – though it is hard

I find it such a disgrace that We cannot shake the brainwashed state we underwent so long ago

The conditioning continues to grow.

Need to eradicate the damaging effects of the mindset of an entire people

And “this revolution will not be televised” - either.

Past from one generation to the next since 1600’s A.D.

What I continue to see

Lack of pride and the hatred you have for I

because your  bronze skin and truly natural hair reminds you that you were a field hand,

when even now your secret desire is to be Thee House Nigger.

Take a look in the mirror, try to look outside that faux rhinestone covered box your in.

You hate the color of your own skin; you misguided and delusional child.

And “this revolution will not be televised” - either.

My mirror image refusing to assist me,

Refusing to uplift me,

Watch me die without saying a word about the travesty told

Watching injustice unfold - right before your eyes.

We need to work together to find a solution.

My man Gil Scott-Heron rapped about it - Revolution!

Reverse the negative effect of American conditioning placed upon you, me, he and she

Children of the brown, uplift your people - don’t help hang us to the tree.

I cannot believe what I hear you say,” you will not do business with Blacks, “their lazy”.

In the 50s, 60s and 70s our people marched, revolted - Revolution!

 So you today could have a piece of the commercialized pie.  A very small piece.

People stood side-by-side taking all in stride; bullets, billy-clubs, water hoses,

so that you today would say, “hit the electricity”

Regardless of suspicion and I refuse to recant this statement

And “this revolution will not be televised”, either.

Seems our fight is never finished

Continuously having to prove ourselves; now to ourselves  

Our own brainwashed tribe.

Gil Scott-Herron once said, “the revolution will not be televised”,

And neither will this one.

How much longer before this divide is re- united. How long?

Peace. Love.

Float On (old school)

So many years – wasted

Putting all my fire into a limp biscuit

Instilling dreams;

My dreams; My passions

 Into a being

It had none.

Wasted so many years raising someone else’s grown child

When I, would never benefit

I began to realize.

When you have dreams to conquer Mt. Kenya

And your significant is caught up in a Ballers video

Yes, love’n the material

It, I wore my ass to the grind to make

You can’t see the NAME on the line.

My dime.

. his ride, his boat, his house.

It’s all good thou, as I stood in my kitchen and baked

Every; Damn; Thing; he wanted. he wanted.

He. Wanted…

What about me?

Those were the years I’ve left behind

I have my scars – my memories; but best of all I have my precious treasures.

. his ride, his boat, his house.

Well, there was some demise

After all, that stuff wasn’t really my passion, just fluff.

Remaining are many years ahead

And Me, I’m all fired up!

With maturity, so have my dreams

And my passions;

Float on.